Long Live Barbie!
We're swapping Barbie's Dream house for the boardroom, trading tea parties for therapy sessions, and setting the stage for real-world issues in a familiar, miniature world.
No one told us that adulting would be a ceaseless carousel of bills to pay, food to cook, toilet paper to afford, and stocks to invest in. At the same time, no one told us that adulting means we have to shelve our Barbie dolls, pass her on to the next generation, or closet her magic. Barbie captures the spirit of what we hope for in our own lives - to remain forever smiling, forever aspirational, and forever popping off. She reinvents herself every year, adapts to the times, learns from her mistakes, and has become a conduit for our desires, heartbreaks, trials, and triumphs.
The upcoming Barbie the Movie is almost too gauche to be camp, but it’s by design. It’s the opposite of escapism. Just like grown ups, Barbie needs to come of age and face the hard questions in life. It’s a call and response to our very adult craving for make-believe and magic, by first reminding us just how human we are.
Here’s the good news: Barbie dolls don’t expire. This means long after we have left the movie theater, we can continue to release stress, step out of our lives, and become the best versions of ourselves by dusting off our Barbie dolls and letting them back into our lives. What’s the storyline going to be? Crime and corporations? Girlbossing too close to the sun? Ken-on-Ken violence? The magic of Barbie never fades, it simply transforms along with us. So when we get home, let's dust her off, because the only thing more interesting than Barbie's world is our own. Here is a taste of the possibilities of playing with Barbie far beyond the big screen:
This Barbie isn’t full of herself…
…she just ate her twin in the womb!
This Barbie is self destructive and spiraling…
…but she romanticizes the depth of her personality on an existential meme account and has monetized her mental instability by selling cute personalized merch from drop ship storefronts!
This Barbie is running for office…
…and her platform is universal Klarna debt forgiveness.
This Barbie knows how to use ChatGPT…
…but she mostly used it to gaslight her boyfriend, who kind of deserved it because he told her he had feelings for her best friend, and “handled it” by forcing them to end their friendship so he could manage the temptation.
This Barbie has worked the same job for 12 years…
…and she is still always the work bridesmaid and never the work wife 🙁
This Barbie felt “funny” when she saw two girls kiss in 4th grade…
…and now she passes out old DVDs of “But I’m A Cheerleader” at the chiropractic practice she opened with her girlfriend, and troubled teens come out to her regularly.
This Barbie has transcended the attention economy…
…by running eight miles every morning with no headphones. Please like her Strava posts to support her journey.
This Barbie has liquid assets…
…which are the three different beverages she buys everyday as a little treat for making it to lunch without impulsively resigning.
This Barbie is confused gender-fluid for genre-fluid…
…which just means she reads both psychological thrillers and elevated true crime while on her all-inclusive beach vacation booked through Costco.
Barbie isn’t the only one who yearns for reinvention and a place in our adult lives. Ken and the best friends have a place with us too:
This Ken is not a virgin…
…but he thinks Barbie can get pregnant if she gets into a hot tub when it’s her time of the month.
This Ken is a nepo-baby…
… unfortunately he also got his mom’s typecast chin, so he can’t book anything until they make a b-list sequel of her movie about her washed-up family life 20 years after she married her crush from the original movie.
This Ken is a method director…
…he thinks CGI is cowardly and is currently working with NASA to film his gay space cowboy movie on Mars. Everyone in his movie will get extra credit for being their own stunt double.
This Ken broke open his piggy bank…
…and immediately converted it all to crypto. 28 years of birthday and tooth fairy money is going to make him a millionaire soon!
This Best Friend is a really good ally to the LGBTQ community…
…she made out with Barbie on a Pride Parade float to support her while she was questioning her sexual orientation. Don’t worry though, she’s totally straight!
This Best Friend is a polyglot…
…she speaks all five love languages fluently, especially words of affirmation. Although she cannot be trusted to give an honest opinion after she didn’t stop you from bleaching your eyebrows. At least she’s an excellent hype-woman!
This Best Friend is a business-owner…
…of an essential oil pyramid scheme. No one can say she isn’t generous because she didn’t force Ken to make a downpayment on his stock after he broke up with his boyfriend and needed a distraction from weeping. Ken has since found love but still owes her $3600 for the oils he never sold.
Swati Sudarsan
Swati Sudarsan was the runner-up of the 2022 So to Speak Contest Issue and is a Pushcart Prize nominee, and she has received support from Tin House, the Kenyon Review, Kweli Journal, and Martha's Vineyard Institute of Creative Writing. Her work can be found in McSweeney's, Catapult, Denver Quarterly and more. She edits at Moot Point Magazine and lives in Oakland, CA, where she works as a public health scientist.
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